how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
