Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
