I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
