so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
