You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
