My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
