Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
