Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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