It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
