you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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