ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
