Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
