OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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