i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
