its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
