you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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