i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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