Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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