Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
