where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
