Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize