Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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