every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
