she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
