Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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