He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
