I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
