put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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