Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
