You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
