HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
