so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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