I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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