just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I CAN MOONWALK!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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