he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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