I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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