she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
