I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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