matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
