You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
