some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
