Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
