I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
