forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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