I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
