why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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