dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize