He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
