i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
