just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
