I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
