She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
