Fine. I'll sleep in my office
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
