the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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