I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So vagazzling was a success
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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