At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
