Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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