I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
