you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
