We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
