I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
