Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
me + whiskey = a bad person
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize