I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
