dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
