I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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