the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
